Friday, September 22, 2006

My Bitch has an attitude....

My female dog has an attitude and she has not talked to me all day. Here are her complaints:

I can not believe that SHE is giving us fish for breakfast. Who does she think we are? I have told her many many times that I am not a CAT! Not a CAT! Did you hear me? Even though I act like a cat many times I've even learned how to Meow, what a kick! I sometimes like to amuse her by doing a couple of Meow like noises it always makes her laugh. Then I must admit I do clean my face every morning with the "lick paw" method I once saw a cat do it and it seemed like a good idea. What does she expect? I can't reach the sink to wash my face ...... dah .... I have tried many times to explain this to her but she still laughs at me when I do it.

Now I have to sit here and wait until she decides to open the door so I can go outside in the FRONT, and bark at those sons of bitches who dare to cross my area. This is one of my favorite jobs, yes I said jobs. I don't just sit around doing nothing around here you know even though some may think so, namely her! I go to work yes work seven days a week. Although I do change my routine on the weekends. I may sleep in a little bit on Sundays there is not much traffic outside and I have to save my strength for the walk on the beach.

My sweet Papa takes us for a ride on the weekends, I love my Papa and I can hardly wait for the weekends. The car is great the drive down PCH is wonderful and if we are lucky and I scream loud enough Papa sometimes stops at McDonalds and gets chicken for us. Yes for us, I have to share it all with him, my brother I would really much rather have a hamburger but Papa had a problem once with the hamburger order so he stopped getting hamburgers but chicken McNuggets are ok too. I don't like the sauce very much I just like the chicken broken up in little pieces fed to me by hand, yes that is my favorite the feeding by the hand is very important to me. This feeding by the hand makes them feel really important and I can torture them a bit in my own little ways. Breaking the chicken in little pieces always gets their hands dirty and there is no place to wash their hands, I do like to torture them once in a while just to keep them in line it is very important to me that I am in charge.

SHE thinks she is in charge but I am the one really in charge, sometimes we have a fight about it and because she is so much bigger and fatter yes I said fatter, than me that I let her think she is in charge some of the time. It is all an illusion and she gets all full of herself and gets that silly grin going like "yeah that'll show you" kind of look. So now I lay here just waiting and always alert to any little noise that may bring danger in my territory.

I will write again if SHE lets me.
The Bitch

Now a note from my little boy:

I need protection from the Bitch! She has been so mean to me, but my mommy loves me. She tries so hard to make sure I always have everything the Bitch gets and when she is especially mean mommy makes sure she gives me extra love and sometimes an extra treat.

Yesterday was such a great day, we had fish for breakfast! It was delicious, can you imagine how much mommy loves me to give me grilled salmon for breakfast? The Bitch told me that it was leftovers and that we were given garbage and She was not going to give mommy the satisfaction of eating it! More for me! I very carefully waited till she was busy and ran over to her bowl and ate the delicious fish.

The rest of the day went pretty well I barked a lot at those nasty people in the alley, and I took several naps waiting for something to happen. Overall it was a great day and tomorrow we get to go on a ride in that wonderful car. I love that car, Papa installed a special fan, I usually get really hot in the car, and I learned how to hit the switch to put it on. Papa could not believe that I was smart enough to do this, so he thought it was an accident that I hit the switch with my paw and turned the fan on. But it was no accident I love the fan and the first thing I do when we get in the car is to turn the switch on with my paw just so Papa knows that I'm doing it on purpose!

Now I have to sit here in front of that open door to wait for the Bitch to let me in. I will write again if the Bitch lets me.

The Boy


AR said...

Your dog is a lot smarter than mine, Ana.

Ellen Bloom said...

Have you read Minou's Dog Blog yet?
It's very entertaining.
Maybe your dogs and Minou could correspond.

Anonymous said...

My doggie-girl's not much of an engineer, but I did have a cat once who hated the noise the furnace makes and figured out how to turn down the thermostat to shut it off. Truth!