Grandma's Gossip...

I went with Adele’s Hadassah group to a matinee of “Cats,” at the Civic Arts Center in Thousand Oaks. For years my kids have been trying to get me to see this musical, but I figure something I wouldn’t have in my house what with the shedding and the hairballs, I certainly wouldn’t pay good money to see on the stage.

The show had actors as big cats, crawling across the stage and licking themselves, singing songs I never heard before except for “Memories,” but not the Barbra Streisand one; that was “The Way We Were.”

Luckily, Adele and I sat on the aisle, so when they had the special extended intermission for all us seniors, we made a beeline for the ladies’ room, which was already crowded. As soon as I got in a stall, the toilet flushed itself like it had a mind of its own. I got so fartootst I could barely do my business. Then the worst happened. I got up, and the toilet wouldn’t flush again. There’s no handle because it’s automatic. So I bounced around a little, hoping it would get the idea. Nothing. So I backed over it and swung from side to side. Still nothing.

Now I was in such a panic. I couldn’t very well leave and let the next person see my business in there, so I paced back and forth, hoping all of a sudden an idea would hit me.

There was a rap at the door and an “Are you all right in there?” I opened it to see none other than TV star Bonnie Franklin , of “One Time or Another,” the show with the two wisecracking daughters and the shnorrer handyman. For her age she looks good, though she’s still cross-eyed, and from the facelifts, bug-eyed like the meshuga runaway bride, but she’s very nice. We left the stall, then marched right back in, and miracle of miracles, the toilet flushed. For this I have to thank Bonnie Franklin .

I've said enough already.

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Grandma's Gossip Column courtesy of Rick Detorie's Commonwealth Newsletter, Venice, California